Breezee BarnsI am sure most of you are familiar with the phrase “Mama always said life’s like a box of chocolate, you never know what you are going to get” from the movie Forrest Gump. This has been was one of those phrases that has stuck with me all these years since I first saw the movie. Right now, this phrase sums up my life more than I ever thought it would. For me, all the ups and downs in life are like those pieces of chocolate. The best tasting chocolate are the happy, fun, and good times while the yucky chocolates are the unhappy, stressful or challenging times of life.
Yucky Chocolate
Well, we had an unexpected yucky “piece of chocolate” not too long ago and to this day are still trying to navigate life. Our beloved Papa (my dad) passed away unexpectedly. Yes, it was a total shock for all of us and we are still wrapping our heads around all that happened. Papa seemed to be doing pretty good. He was working on a grocery list for me, asking me to research some things for him. We were also getting the house situated for his dog to have a prime seat in the house next to him.
Everything was just going along, and he was just living life. Now he would still have his bad days. The days he was really missing Nana (my mom) were hard, but he was still living and looking ahead to things. He was excited that his oldest granddaughter had gotten engaged. He was planning to cook his famous ribs in April to celebrate the happy occasion. Things just seemed to be going smoothly. Then it happened. One night I stopped by with one of the girls to visit with him. When I stopped by to check on him the next day, he was gone. It was unbelievable, pure shock. The week before he had gone to the doctor and was given a clean bill of health. Knowing that he was healthy has made things even harder to accept.
A New Purpose
One of the main reasons we left the city life was to be close to him and help him get through the loss of Nana. We knew that Papa was going to need lots of help on the property and emotional support as well. With his passing we have had to rethink why we are here. The plan we thought we had figured out, is not the plan anymore. Now we need to discover what our new purpose is.
We are now learning and growing without the wisdom of Papa. We are not completely alone, we still have Aunt T and Uncle D to learn from and some cousins as well. It is just the unexpected turn of events that hit us to the core. The huge garden and adding more chickens to the flock, are things that Papa was looking forward to us all doing together. It is up to us to do them now.
So now what? What is our future now? Do we plan on moving again? Nope, not at all. Remember, I am not a fan of moving, plus we feel we are in our forever home. We have grown to love this more simplified life. The breathtaking sunrises and sunsets are too good to give up. The fresh air and the property we live on is amazing. We know we have a lot more to learn and do, we just need keep plugging along to discover what our new purpose is now. We are using the resources we were have and are making the best of it.
Did We Pay Attention?
One of the things Papa would always say to us is “you need to pay attention to what I’m telling you because I’m trying to teach you.” So did we pay attention to Papa’s lessons? Are we ready to handle life on the farm without him? Hopefully we did. We were not given any warning, so right now, we are putting what we have learned to the test. Remember my post about Olive, the blizzard, well that was our first test to see if we were paying attention. Yes, Papa passed away shortly before that storm hit us. I’m sure he was laughing at us from above as we trying our best use the knowledge he has left us about handling winter storms.
We are now learning and growing without the wisdom of Papa. We are not completely alone, we still have Aunt T and Uncle D to learn from and some cousins as well. It is just the unexpected turn of events that shook us to the core. The huge garden and adding more chickens to the flock, are things that Papa was looking forward. He was happy to have us around so we could all work together. It is up to us to do them now. Only time will tell if we were really paying attention as we take on these projects.
Remembering Papa
You might be wondering why I am writing about this now. Well, there are a couple of reasons. One reason is that I just was not ready to attempt to write about my dad without going through all the emotions of that day. Some days have just been a challenge to get through because of the lack of motivation. I try to keep my mind busy, but sometimes it just wanders.
The second reason is we were planning a wedding from 3 different states (it turned out beautiful, so I will write it about later). I was busy trying to get things done around here for an open house and not lose my mind. You can call us crazy, but we did we the future couple wanted. It just fit their schedule better.
The other reason is that this week we would have been celebrating Papa’s 72nd birthday with him. We would be taking him out, spoiling him with presents and his favorite things like we did last year. Instead, we are remembering him and sending him Heavenly Birthday wishes. There is no question we all have been fixing our broken hearts, but we all agree that what we are doing is for Papa. We want to fulfill his wishes even though he is not physically with us anymore. Doing things that we know would make him happy helps to heal our hearts.
Forever Grateful
We are forever grateful we took the leap of faith and moved to the farm to be with Papa. Yes, it has been difficult and stressful, but it was worth it. Each day was a new experience or lesson. We created many memories in a short amount of time. If we had not moved, the girls would not have gotten to know their Papa like they were able too. We wish our time together would have been longer, we wish he could still be here to teach us more. Unfortunately, it just was not meant to be. It does not do us any good to complain, we just need to be thankful. We are lucky to have those memories and lessons we learned. Life is unpredictable, so treasure every moment you have with your family.
Just a few weeks before Papa passed away, Aunt T and I were talking and she gave me some words of wisdom. She told me to have “no regrets”. You know what, she is 100% right. Everyone needs to live life with no regrets. For us, we have no regrets we moved to the farm. We have no regrets because we saw Papa almost every day for over a year and did all we could to help out. Our family made a huge sacrifice to be with Papa and it was the best thing we could have done. The yucky “piece of chocolate” we endured to move north was worth it in the end.
Our Next Piece of Chocolate
We surely don’t know what will be thrown at us in the coming days, weeks or years. I know we would rather have the good times, but life isn’t all about the good times. To keep us balanced, we need to have some challenges along the way. We can grow more when we learn from our challenges. For us right now it feels more like challenges and unexpected changes. We just need to put our chins up high and keep moving forward. How we handle the situation is what matters.
For us, we are always looking for the positive to help keep going. We know that there is a plan for us and we just need to trust Heavenly Father knows what is best for us. He will not lead us astray is we turn to Him for help.
As we continue to endure each day, we never know what little thing will trigger a memory of Papa. Some days will better than others and that is okay. That is part of life and how we get through the sadness. We just need to keep positive vibes going so we can get through this. We just hope that we get some good “pieces of chocolate” to help offset the bad.
